This was originally posted on my other blog, Antithete, in two parts.

[NOTE: This is a Windows-only routine. For those of you with Mac or Linux routines, please leave me a link in the comments section, so that I can link them from here. Thanks!]

I have a weekly routine that I use to back up, protect, and update my computer - so it stays as shiny and usable as possible, and so that there aren’t so many ‘OH CRAP!’ moments. Like the kind that happen when your hard drive crashes and then you remember, as you stare at the black (or blue) screen of despair and death, that that last time you backed up your important information was three or four months ago. Maybe. And also you’re not sure where you put those disks anyway.

Then you think of all the documents and photographs and downloads and game data and chat logs you might have just lost, FOREVER, and the bottom drops out of your gut, and you feel like crying or screaming or giving up and walking away. Or maybe you just put your head down gently on your keyboard and sob quietly.

Never fear! A geek is here to help.

In my arsenal are these free applications:
BitDefender (antivirus)
Spybot Search & Destroy (spyware killer)
SpywareBlaster (another spyware killer)
FileHippo Update Checker (an update checker, like it sounds)
Gmail account (optional - for doing backups, if you don’t have an external drive of some kind)
Gspace Firefox addon (for doing those backups the easy way)
CCleaner (hard drive and registry cleaner)
Defraggler (a defrag utility, although you can also use Windows’ native defragmenter)

Don’t get all click-happy and download those until you read (and bookmark) this post, because some of them may require you to restart your computer, and if you’re like me you might have already forgotten what you were doing when the restart is finished - and then you’ll be kicking yourself when your hard drive crashes, because THAT is when you will remember what you were doing.

Step One: Back That Stuff Up

Okay, let’s begin!

The first thing you’re going to do is back up your data. FIRST. I know you want to use the pretty shiny apps, but you have to be smart about this, and do it the right way around. Back up your data first.

If you have an external hard drive that you can keep hooked up to your computer, or a flash drive that can hold at least your most recent weeks’ worth of gotta-keep-it data, then use that. As a secondary (or primary) backup device, use a Gmail account, with the recommended Gspace extension, to back your data up again. As an additional backup device, especially for photographs, use CD or DVD-Rs. I don’t recommend rewriteable disks, because that leaves open the possibility of overwriting your data. Depending on how much data you need to back up at a time, you can most likely get away with using one disk per backup.

I am assuming, for this post, that you all know how to do a backup. This isn’t a backup tutorial (although if plenty of people are confused, I’ll be happy to write one).

However, I will remind you to be smart about what you decide to back up, and how you do it. If your backed up data is confusing, then most likely your folder hierarchy and current organizational habits are confusing, and you should most likely spend a good ten to fifteen minutes organizing things in a way that makes sense BEFORE you back it all up. Trust me, this makes things simpler in the long run.

Gmail with Gspace

If you would like to try the Gmail/Gspace backup option, here’s a quick rundown on how that works:

First, sign up for another Gmail account. Don’t use your existing personal account, because it will quickly fill up with the data you’re backing up, and this will be unnecessarily frustrating. For a good name, try something like backup.yourname@gmail.com. If you have a lot of media that you want to back up and you’re worried it will fill up a Gmail account right away, then you will want to make several new addresses (for example, music.backup.yourname, or photos.backup.yourname). Keep track, obviously, of all your new account names and passwords, because they won’t do a thing for you if you can’t access them. I suggest writing all this down on a sticky note or notebook or in your planner/journal.

Second, download the Gspace Firefox extension. This only works with Firefox, obviously (and right now it does not work on Firefox’s version 3 beta releases), so if you are an IE user, don’t worry over this step. I’d encourage you to try Firefox, partly for the additional productivity hacks it offers, such as the Gspace extension.

You will have to restart Firefox to use your new Gspace extension, so be sure you have this post bookmarked in case you lose track of it.

Once it’s installed, put in your new backup Gmail account information, open the folder that has the data you want to transfer, and drag-and-drop it. Yep. It’s that simple. [NOTE: If you stay logged into your Gmail account normally, you'll be logged into it still when you install Gspace. Make sure you log out of it in the Gspace interface, and log into your backup account, otherwise you'll have a hilarious yet possibly annoying snafu.]

Got that? Great. Before we go on to step number two, there are several other good places online to store your documents for your possible backup scenarios, and here are just a few: Mozy, Box.net, and Carbonite.

Step Two: Windows Updates

Okay, I can hear you thinking at me - what makes that step two? Isn’t that done automatically all the time? Well, SURE, if you like being interrupted in the middle of an important project (or goofing around online, or playing a game, or whatever) because your computer HAS TO SHUT DOWN RIGHT NOW. If you have Vista on your machine, it’s even more likely that you will be interrupted without any warning whatsoever as your screen suddenly blinks and then you’re told (if you’re lucky) that it’s logging off. And then not to touch anything because it’s not done. No really. DON’T. TOUCH.

I dislike computers that don’t ask my permission, and no matter how many time it complains at you to ‘fix it’, I recommend that you turn off automatic updates. It will give you greater control over what your computer is doing, and really that’s better for you and your computer in the long run. Not to mention it’s better for your data.

After you run the updates manually (just go to the Windows Update website in IE, since it doesn’t like Firefox and will tell you so), make sure they are all completely installed and that everything is working correctly before going on to the next step. Now is your chance to turn back the clock and uninstall anything that got borked (or borked something else), while you still have all your data freshly backed up. Use System Restore if you have to. [NOTE: there is no guarantee that System Restore is going to work every time, so be as careful as possible - don't assume the secondary safety net will save you.]

Done with that part? Great!

Step Three: Software Updates

Next up is updating all your software. Most of your software won’t automatically update itself or check at all, unless it’s an Adobe product or an Apple product. Or, of course, your antivirus software, which should be checking in daily at least once for definition updates.

The best and easiest app I have found so far to update software is FileHippo’s Update Checker. It’s a little app that you put anywhere you like (just don’t forget where), and it scans your computer when you run it to see what software you have and whether it’s been recently updated. It will take you to a special page on FileHippo’s website that lists all the updates you could have if you wanted, and from there you can download to your heart’s content.

I recommend that you only install one or two at a time between restartings; some updates might mess with other updates if you install them all at the same time BEFORE the recommended restart that most of them have.

Done with that part? Wasn’t it fun? Pat yourself on the back, you’re halfway there!

Step Four: Update Security Applications

Here is where my favorite trio of security apps comes into play. They are BitDefender, SpywareBlaster, and Spybot Search & Destroy. They are all FREE, although Spybot comes with a very inexpensive paid automatic update service, if you like. (I have linked the download pages for each of these from the FileHippo website. They keep an amazingly up-to-date listing of all the apps you’ll want to try or use, and I have never had a problem downloading from them.)

You will need to open each of these applications and check for updates. Then, obviously, apply them. If this is your first time using them, make sure you take the time to configure them correctly, otherwise they won’t work for you like they’re meant to. Spybot will also want you to allow a program called TeaTimer to run when Windows starts up, and I HIGHLY recommend that you do this. It tells you every single time an application attempts to change the registry in any way (usually the startup registry), so that you can decide for yourself whether or not you want that to happen.

After you’ve gotten your updates out of the way, run Spybot’s ‘Check For Problems’, to make sure there aren’t any nasty worms or Trojans living on your hard drive. If there are issues, fix them (usually the program will do this for you, but sometimes you have to delete the file(s) in question yourself).

[I'm going to stop here and explain that I use BitDefender for my antivirus needs because I have used Mcafee, Norton/Symantec, Panda, and AVG Free, and this is HANDS DOWN the best of them. It doesn't hog system resources, which is my biggest pet peeve with most virus apps, and its scans are effective and efficient. It is definitely worth your while to try if it you're looking for a better virus scan, and it's free.]

Next up, run several of BitDefender’s scans. When you install this program, make sure you set up a time for a daily scan - sometime when you’re not going to need to use your computer, like maybe two in the morning. Aside from this daily quick scan, you don’t know if there may be problems lurking deeper in your system. I recommend these scans to be done weekly: Deep System Scan, Scan Memory, and Scan for Rootkits.

This may take a while, but stay away from the computer while it’s being scanned. You might be antsy, but leave it alone!

When it’s done, go on to the next step.

Step Five: Clean the Slate

Using CCleaner, first ‘Analyze’ your system. Look over the checked boxes first, because there may be things you don’t want cleaned; I don’t like my Recycle Bin emptied, for instance. I like to do that myself. I also don’t want my Firefox cookies or history messed with. Decide what you want and then analyze the system. Once it’s done, you can either choose to run the cleaner, deleting the files it found that you don’t need, or you can change your configuration and analyze again.

When that’s finished, go to Registry, and click ‘Scan For Issues’. You want to Fix Selected Issues, but it will ask you to back up changes to the registry first before you fix them. DO THIS.

Now, go to Tools, then ‘Startup’. You just installed some new programs (most likely), and it’s good to take a look at your startup list at least once a week anyway. Check that you’re only loading on startup the things that you DO want loaded; if you’re not sure what an entry is, Google it.

Hooray, you’re done with this step!

Step Six: Put It Back Together

Figuratively speaking, you’ve made a mess of your computer’s virtual file system. It’s like you took drawers and shelves full of your data and pulled them apart, looking for things, rearranging them, and making copies to put other places. They never get put back the way they were before, and some of them might have gotten misfiled or kicked under the desk, so at the end of all your updating you need to run a defragmentation app to put things away neatly.

You can either use the Windows native defragger, called Disk Defragmenter, or you can use Defraggler. The only reason I mention a different program than what you already have is that Defraggler offers you a choice of WHAT you are defraggling (haha, I can’t help but call it that now). For those of us that are more anally-retentive than others, even having a choice of what gets defraggled is EXCITING.

For the rest of you, roll your eyes and use the Windows program you already have. It doesn’t really matter.

You’re done!

Congratulations! You’ve just protected your computer like a geek. If you’re lucky, it didn’t take you all day - but the good news is that next week it won’t take you nearly as long because now you know what you’re going to do from here on out. I encourage you to make an appointment with yourself every week to get this done - my ‘Computer Maintenance and Backup Day’ is Saturday (yes, I know, incredibly imaginative name!). Your future self will thank you.

Feedback?

This is the part where you get to tell me what you do instead of what I am telling you do. Because, of course, this post is all about the RIGHT way to do it and you’re all doing it the WRONG way. (That was a joke, in case you have a morbidly serious personality and are now completely offended. I apologize.)

You have a system, all of you, even if it’s OH CRAP!! when your computer dies and you have nothing but two dusty old disks shoved in a drawer somewhere to show for it. Tell us about it in the comments!